College Union

One of the last conferences I attended this summer was Willow Creek’s Leadership Summit. School was gearing up, “to-do’s” were piling up, and the baby-sitters weren’t lining up – so my wife (Nikki) and I decided to take turns going to the conference. We call that “blocking” for each other – taking the hit so that the other can score.

Anyway – I’m glad I went on Thursday because I heard exactly what I needed to hear – I was given permission to cheat the church. Andy Stanley, one of the most successful pastors in North America, told over 60,000 church leaders – from senior pastors to youth directors to volunteers – how he had come to prioritize his family over the church and suggested that we do the same.

His story goes that as they were beginning to birth Northpoint in Alpharetta, GA – Andy and his wife were also expecting the birth of their third child. He begin to see that his work would never be done at the church and that he wasn’t exactly pulling his weight at home with three kids under four years of age. Long story short – he promised to give God 45 hours a week to start the church, but he wasn’t going to sacrifice his family in the process. I don’t want to waste your time with me telling his story – you can order the book online at Northpoint Resources(http://resources.northpoint.org/store/shop.do?cID=44&pID=68).

Here’s where it connects with me: I am just beginning a new campus, I have three kids under the age of four, and I have more to do at Wesley and at home than I can say grace over. I’m up early in the morning to study and do paperwork and up late for small groups and our mid-week worship service. It’s easy – too easy – to let what I am called to do for God trump what I am called to be at home – a husband and a father. Sometimes, I feel like the church encourages this.

What upsets me is that no one ever set down and told me how to balance family and ministry. I’ve seen good models from lay persons in other vocations, but most of the models I have learned from in ministry have been bad ones. How did we come up with the idea that it was okay to sacrifice our families on the altar of the church? How have our Boards, PPRC’s, and administrative councils allowed us to work 70 to 90 hour weeks at break-neck speeds without any time to rest, reflect, or recreate? I see it in the lives of our Bishops to the seminarian who has taken a student pastorate – we don’t have or encourage proper boundaries between ministry and our families. Frankly, I’m not going to be a part of this any longer. I decided to cheat the church.

I’ve found several steps have helped me in making this change:

1. I have told everyone I report to – from my wife to my Board – about my weekly schedule. By communicating my hours upfront, I encourage proper accountability for my time on the clock. It has also made me more disciplined about how I spend my time – I feel that I work smarter and do a better job of delegating because I only have so much time. I find this helps me prioritize relationships over programs. Most of all, it makes me trust God to show up and do what He promised to do – “build His church”.
2. I keep my Sabbath on Fridays. It is my day to study, prayer, and play. I am more than my role as campus pastor at Wesley KU! If we and our churches really understood and practiced the art of the Sabbath – they would insist we take them. Eugene Peterson in Practicing the Angles and Lauren Winner’s Mudhouse Sabbath can help you redefine your day off to a God-honoring, Spirit-restoring, life-giving Sabbath.
3. I turn the computer off and the cell phone to silent when I get home. No seeking to see if I got another email – no taking up their time to answer a phone call – if can all wait. At best, I may have 3 to 4 hours with Canon, Whitby, and Cosmo a day. I don’t want to hear about them growing up – I want to be there as it happens. Emergencies come up, but most crisises can wait till I’ve put my kids to bed. It will take some training of those around and in your life – but they will get use to it. I want my children to grow up loving my God and His church – not resenting it for taking daddy away.

Practically speaking, I am normally out of the house by 7:30 a.m., back by 3:30 or 4 p.m., and out again after the kids go to bed. I can’t seem to get my hours under 55 per week, but I’m trying.

J D Walt, a good friend and one of our speakers at the Refresh ‘06 Conference, wrote a great blog on “On Limitation, Incarnation, Overcommitment, Creativity, Burnout and Boundaries” at www.farmstrong.blogspot.com – you should check it out if you have some time.

Work hard, work smart, be faithful to your calling – but get home.

Creighton

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