By: Stephen L. Martyn

When I graduated with a Masters of Divinity from Asbury Theological Seminary in the summer of 1976 I had a brimming expectation that I would do well in ministry. I had confidence that I had one of the finest degrees in the world, which, when matched with the natural gifts of speaking and persuasion that the Lord had given me, would result in God’s church being grown and blessed.

I moved forward on the genuinely held belief that through great preaching and a strong, winsome, personality, I could build God’s church. “I can do this!” Now, over three decades later, I see the sad truth of the condition of my heart then. Before ever even entering into full time ministry for the Lord I had thrown myself off of the path of life through stupid presumption.

The early church father, John Cassian, warned of the serious danger of falling off of what he called “the royal road” of discernment (Conferences, p. 62). According to Cassian two lapses of discernment will prevent us from reaching the goal. He taught that we are to avoid the extremes of stupid presumption to the right, and sinful carelessness to the left. Without even knowing it I had stepped off of the blessed path of humility and right onto the broad plain of “stupid presumption.” I had set out to do ministry for the Lord in my own strength with my own gifts and graces. I was guilty of nothing short of prideful arrogance.

My personal story of near collapse (see Steve’s story in the longer version of this article) has been shared for the purpose of opening pastor’s spiritual eyes to the fact that whatever season of life they are traveling through, the need for vigilance against the darkness of sin must be maintained.

The beginning of holiness is the unclouded and undiluted acceptance of the fact that all of the deadly sins reside in my life. I have a mighty savior but I need a mighty savior precisely because I am in such terrible straits

Envy comes in some not so subtle forms in ministry. It is normally completely wrapped around an attack on the perceived unfairness of life. Let the ancient remedy of thanksgiving fill your thoughts and return at once to a posture of praise and worship.

Anger breaks down the doors of our hearts when we choose to inordinately focus on the injuries of life (especially what we perceive as injurious to us) to the exclusion of Divine sovereignty and providential care.

Sloth is tragically deceptive in that it will allow the unsuspecting pastor to be very busy, even terribly overextended. But in the midst of excessive “busyness” the harried leader becomes less and less directed by love while succumbing more and more to either the expectations of others or the screaming insecurities of his or her own life. When love breaks down then focus and direction become scattered. As the heart continues to be divided between trying to please others and having some sense of personal fulfillment, fatigue sets in.

Avarice comes rushing in when the soul is no longer anchored in the values and life of the Kingdom of God. Prestige, status, position, accumulation are now the actual fuel that drives the engine of life. Thus when I sink to the level of defining myself by the church I serve, the ministry I perform, or the wealth I have accumulated, then I have diminished my value as a human being to what I can functionally accomplish.

Lust so permeates our culture that it has now become an enemy against which we must do battle on a daily basis. Lust is the cavernous, insatiable, illicit desire for intimacy. Precisely because of a lack of balance in the totality of their lives the emotions of the pastor begin screaming out: “Help me! Help me! Do whatever it takes to make me feel better!”

Gluttony is an insatiable, unquenchable thirst and hunger for more. Rather than moderation in all things, gluttony screams for excess in all things. Gluttony, therefore, drives us away from the historic Christian practices of fasting and moderation by seducing us with the “freedom” of throwing off restraint. This so called freedom, however, is resulting in a major health care crisis for undisciplined pastors across the United States.

Conclusion: Penthos

The early church wrote about Penthos or the gift of tears (see Penthos: The Doctrine of Compunction in the Christian East by Irenee Hausherr, Cistercian Publications, 1982). Penthos is a deep sorrow over my own essential sinfulness as well as over the lost salvation of those in the world. It is an inner crying out to God in profound sorrow over the havoc of sin and the destructiveness of self-will.

As ministers of the Gospel of grace, stewards of the mysteries of God, and ambassadors of Christ, let us pray the prayer of Psalm 19.12-13:

Who can detect their errors, O Lord?
Only you can clear the hidden sinfulness of my life.
Keep me from presumptuous, pride-filled thoughts,
Let them not have mastery over me.

---

You may download a full version of this article in a pdf format by clicking on the following link.

Discerning Darkness: “Cleanse Thou Me From Secret Faults”
By Stephen L. Martyn

(Please– do not reproduce or quote without author’s permission. Thanks.)

---

Categories: Virtues & Choices
Tags: